its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
