There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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