2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
