I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did i walk over a car last night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize