I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
