You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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