I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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