I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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