He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
