and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
