I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
