I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
