i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's just like the Real World with babies
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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