everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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