"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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