I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
