True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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