You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
