sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
