if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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