Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
