that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
