it was like his penis was on wheels.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
