College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
