guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
