Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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