We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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