i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
