Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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