She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
