My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
