do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize