i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
