I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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