Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
