i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize