White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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