He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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