Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
