K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
