Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
