he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
