Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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