Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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