bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Found the puke drawer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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