Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
