I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
