Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
