i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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