Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I understand Curling. That high.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
