yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
