just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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