Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
