I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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