Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
