My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everclear isn't food dammit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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