I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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