Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We need to get me chipped asap
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize