I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
