I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
