just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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