Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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