Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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