I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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