We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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