My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
