Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
