I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize