One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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