ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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