Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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