this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
