Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
