Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
