Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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