So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
