I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
