Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize