12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she looked like the before picture.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
