I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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