I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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