You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
