At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just found a bag of teeth...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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