i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
