If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
