Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
