I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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