just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
