please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
